I know I've mentioned this to friends, but can't remember if I've written about it - and I'm too lazy to go back and see if I have.
So I was a little freaking out about Seth going into kindergarten but I couldn't figure out why. He's been in that school for two years in the Early Childhood, so it's not a new place for him. In fact, his kindergarten classroom is right next door to his old E.C. room. Then it dawned on me. Up to this point, he has only been in class with other special needs kids. He didn't stick out like a sore thumb and, in fact, wasn't even the worst case there. Moving into kindergarten, he would be among all neuro-typical kids. He would be different. That worried me.
In the month since he started school, he's done amazingly well. There have been some tough moments, but he has an absolutely wonderful teacher who really knows what she is doing. My worries have decreased significantly.
However, tonight is another step. Our school hosts movie nights every so often where the kids take sleeping bags and pillows and get to watch a movie, have snacks, etc. Joel used to love it. So when the first one was scheduled, Seth really wanted to go. They are showing Speedracer. Now what boy wouldn't want to go? So I signed him up.
Tonight is the night, and now I'm a little bit coming undone about it. There will be a LOT of kids there (overwhelming for him), it will be very loud (also a hot-point with him), and he will not be with any adults that he is used to. Dear God. What was I thinking?
Well, I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking what I am always thinking when these things come up - that if we do not challenge him, he will not grow and learn to handle new situations. I was thinking that I want him to feel like a normal kid, not the kid who cannot do what other kids do. I was thinking that he can do this. So now I have to think I can let him do this.
It's always a bit like walking on a tight rope where these things are concerned. Do I pull one of the chaperones aside and let them know he is autistic in case something happens? Will this scare them? Will they then be looking for something? If I do not do this and he freaks out about something, will they be able to handle it? Oh my. Where is the balance?
I could always just stay and keep an eye on him without him knowing that I'm there this first time to make sure he's okay. What to do, what to do.
I don't have an answer yet. Please pray for guidance for me - and I need it before 5:45, thanks!