Wanted: Any Other Job Than The One I've Got Today

Today is major laundry day. I. Hate. Doing. Laundry. Hence, why it is so out of control. If there were anything in this world that I would love to pay someone else to do, it is our laundry. I would give up almost anything, if it would matter, for someone else to come and do my laundry.

I have contemplated having foot surgery again just so my mom would come and do my laundry again like she did last December; but if I had the money to pay for another surgery, it'd probably just be better to pay her to do the laundry, right? I don't know - I could lie in a Vicodin-induced fog again and say weird things for my family to laugh at. Then we'd all win! Well, except for my mom, who would be doing the laundry for nothing but the sheer feeling of unconditional love she has for me. Or had - until she reads this.

If I do nothing but laundry from now until this time tomorrow, it will still not be done. I am down to wearing my laundry-doing clothes - a paint-spattered t-shirt, dirty white shorts, and bright blue underwear (which look awesome under the white shorts). It's time. There are piles of dirty clothes all over my bedroom, my bathroom, my closet.

It probably doesn't help that several times per day, I catch one or both of my younger boys in different clothes than they had on a hour before. They are always dressing certain ways to be whatever they are playing at the moment, so the amount of laundry is exponentially increased by the exact number of different characters they have pretended to be in any given day.

You'd think I had some horrific laundry accident or incident in my past that makes me loath the activity so much. No, it's just your everyday, run-of-the-mill aversion - like some other people are born with an aversion to hair, or toe nails. Oh wait, that's me, too.

You know - the more I write here, the longer I can keep from doing laundry.

Did I ever tell you the story about when my friend and I ate poisonous berries and had to eat mustard until we puked to keep from having our stomachs pumped? I could do it - right now - if you really want me to.

I've got the time.