Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Feeling Convicted This Morning.

Question: Do other people get the best of your personality? Are you unwittingly giving your leftovers to the ones who need your very best the most - your family?

They (whoever they are) say that we often treat those we love the most in the worst way because deep down we are sure in those relationships and know they will not leave. Well, I don't feel like I do that, but I guess that I am guilty of not stopping myself from giving in to those frustrating feelings and pointing out things to those closest to me that I would normally let go with friends. And I usually justify it with my kids by rationalizing that they need to hear these things in order to learn - I'm being parental.

Well, that's a fine line to walk, now isn't it?

I am told a lot that people enjoy how "real" I am. It's true - I don't try to hide things or act like I'm someone I'm not. If you ask me in passing how I'm doing, you might very well just hear it. I don't like false platitudes or phony conversations. I like to connect with people. However, that being said, that feature of my personality also dictates much of the time that I say what I'm thinking whether or not it really should be said, and do not hold back my feelings sometimes when I really should. And my family is most often at the receiving end of this; you know - those closest to me.

This all came from a conversation I had with my 17-year-old last night. While I am desperately (since he's nearly out of the house and into adulthood) trying to instill in him a few things that just don't seem to be taking hold, he feels like I don't think he can do anything right.

Point taken.

I just feel that crazy urgent sense of if I don't get these things through to him, who will? Well, talk about being knocked over the head. During my morning "appointment with God" my reading revealed something that I already know but needed to hear - "While we are waiting, God is working." Why can't I get through my head that I'm not controlling this?

So I am going to be working on giving the best of my personality, even in frustration and disappointment, to those closest to me because they need it the most. And also try to keep in the forefront of my mind that those things that I am trying to "fix" are being worked on by God in His own time frame - not mine!


  1. your "say whatever is on your mind" personality is what I love most about you! you're not fake, i always feel as though you're being honest with me and i never feel judged! this is what makes me LOVE you so much! thanks for being a GREAT friend! and some day Alexx, as well as Joel and Seth, will thank you for being such a GREAT mom. because you are-one-of-the-BEST-out there!

    p.s. did you find your beep? ;-)

  2. Comforting to know that we are not the Holy Spirit, isn't it? Too often we try to do his work of changing people's hearts, and it only leads to aggravation for the ones we want to see changed and frustration for us.

    I'm thankful he is teaching me this, just wish I wasn't such a slow learner.

  3. This is one of the reasons I love you the most. Not just the fact that you are such an authentic 'real' gal but that you are constantly learning and growing. A lot of people walk around the world never feeling convicted enough to change anything. They think they are great the way they are. We are all works in progress. God brings people and situations into our lives so we can grow from them. It is up to us to catch the lesson. I love growing with and doing this life with you. You rock!

  4. Thank you! I am just trying here ... trying not to screw these poor boys up too badly!