The Passion of the Christ

I just saw this movie for the first time last night in a sanctuary full of people I attend church with. But I felt as though I was in the room alone. I'm not sure I will ever be the same.

This cinematic portrayal of Christ's journey from the evening of his betrayal to the moment his empty body was lowered from the cross was nothing less than haunting.

For each person, the experience must be unique, depending on where you are in your relationship with Jesus, or whether or not you have one at all. I cannot say how it would have affected me 10 years ago, or a month ago - it would have been different.

At this point, this particular time, this particular month, I am struggling as a mother of special needs kids. And that is the woman who walked into our church last night. Before the movie even began, I sat alone, in a pew, praying for my heart to please, please, be able to handle this role for another day.

Please, God, strengthen my heart as their mother, give me just one more hour of endurance, more wisdom and guidance to be their best advocate and to help them cope with their issues. I'm teetering on the edge, Lord.

For two hours, I was convicted as to how very little I actually endure as a mother. Yes, it's all relative, and I do deal with a lot. But watching a portrayal of the mother of Christ endure her son's destiny play out in front of her - yet out of her reach - was at the same time nearly too much to bear, and exactly what I needed to experience.

I can do this. I can do this.

I can do all through Christ, who strengthens me. ~ Phillipians 4:13