There are so many things I could focus on in my writing this morning - recounting funny things that happened, recalling the local people, describing the scenery. I have some super stories - all in due time.
Right now, though, I'm just overwhelmed with how blessed I am - we are.
Blessed to have the parents that I do, who have invested their time, love - their lives - in our children enabling us to get away and not worry for a second about the care of our boys. They know all the ins and outs of their issues, not because we wrote it down for them, but because they live them alongside us. The intricacies of Seth's autism and Joel's mood disorder and Asperger's are not something that can be learned, they are experienced. If my parents hadn't spent my children's lifetimes building relationships with them, we couldn't have gone away for any length of time at all.
Blessed to have friends who call us family and not only accept us, but love us in spite of who we are and all the baggage that comes with us. If I were them, I would have high-tailed it in the other direction years ago. Seriously.
If it weren't for them sharing their family's vacation accommodations with us, we could not have afforded this trip. Most of our "fun money" is spent on meds ($425/mo.), supplements, therapy ($90 an hour!), and doctors (a gazillion dollars a minute).
Blessed to have saved frequent-flier miles from seven years ago that Sean earned flying back home to Houston from Milwaukee each weekend when he was doing five months of consulting work up there. We squirreled away those miles to be used someday when we would be able to take a trip together. Alone.
Blessed to have a husband who is my best friend in the universe - someone who I cannot wait to spend time with, who makes me laugh as much now as he did 20 years ago, who I fall more in love with every day.
Blessed to have boys whom I could hardly wait to squeeze when we returned home - and were actually as excited to see us as we were to see them. And blessed to be raising boys who, despite the issues they are wading through, are adaptable enough to deal with us being gone for that length of time.
Blessed that God put all of this together in our life, and continues to do so daily.
And ashamed that I don't feel worthy of any of it.
You definitely are worthy of it!!! The memories and down time you gave yourself will stick with you long after the albums are put away and the suntan fades. You, my dear, have been to the happy place. Anytime you want you can close those eyes and channel the peace and beauty God gave to you for that time through your eyes. Only now it all resides in the mind's eye. And forever it will remain to be called upon to bring peace and calm back over you. Why do you think we all long to get away so badly the way you did...to recapture it all for just a brief time again. Blessings to you in returning to reality.
ReplyDeleteI thank thee, Lord, that thou hast called me “son,”
ReplyDeleteAnd fired my soul with the astounding thought
That there is something of thee in me.
May the prophecy of this relationship—
Impel me to be worthy.
I am grateful for a covenant birth;
For noble parents and an ancestry who beckon me
To heights beyond my grasp, but still attainable
If with stamina and effort I cultivate their seed—
And prove that I am worthy.
I am grateful for a companion on this Eternal Quest,
Whose roots and birth and vision match my own;
Whose never-failing faith and loyalty have furnished light in darkness,
And re-steeled fortitude. May her faith in me
Inspire me to be worthy.
I am grateful for the cleansing power of parenthood,
With its self-denial and sacrifice—prerequisites to filial and parent love;
For each child entrusted to our care, I humbly thank thee;
If I would associate with them eternally,
I know I must be worthy. …
I am grateful for the lifting power of the gospel of thy Son;
For the knowledge thou hast given me of its beauty, truth and worth.
To attain its promised glory, may I to the end endure,
And then, forgiven, let charity tip the scales and allow me
To be considered worthy.
(Eternal Quest, sel. Charles Manley Brown,
You are worthy my friend, you are HIS. Much much love to you.