Wednesday, July 8, 2009
You Have Been Warned
So my friend, Jess, always says she wants to hear more about our marriage and reiterated that after my last post. We live 2,000 miles apart, so she cannot experience - for herself, in real time - the great gooberness that we live each day.
Warning: you're about to find out.
Let me first explain that we did not sit down one day and create this marriage. This is just how it happens to be. We have been together since we were 16 and married since we were 20. We, essentially, grew up together - and by God's grace alone, grew in the same direction. For the record, we are now 38.
So here are the basics:
We are silly.
We enjoy each other. I mean really enjoy each other. I love his personality and his humor and his everything. Sure, there are things that drive me crazy that he does at times, but they are not deal breakers.
We love to dance. Let me clarify - we don't love to go dancing. I mean - we love music, often have it turned up quite loudly in our house, and just love to dance together. Oh - and neither one of us can dance very well at all. In fact, we are sadly inept. We just like to have fun - and be close.
We are very affectionate and always have been. Take that exactly how you think you should. ;-) Public displays of affection? You bet! We're always hugging and kissing on one another - to the point that our oldest is always saying, "Get a room!" and Sean's response has always been, "I have a house full of them." My 90-year-old grandma is always commenting on how we are always loving on one another like a couple of kids.
We can never get enough time together. You know how some couples spend too much time together and want to kill each other? Not us. We actually put this to the test when I was pregnant with our youngest. Sean was home for three straight months without a job. It was a mighty stressful time - a time when many couples would let the stress get the best of them and begin attacking one another when they'd been together too much. We had a ball! It was so sad when he went back to work.
When things get bad, we cling to one another for dear life. When stress and circumstances are overwhelming, we are like the other one's life preserver. And I think this is one of the key things that makes our marriage work well. We do not snipe and go after one another when things get bad - and we've been through bad several times in our marriage. When all else seems to be crumbling, I have him, he has me and we stick together like glue. There is no other option.
Humor is the backbone of our family. Everything is funny to us. Everything. If you can't take a joke, then you won't be happy here. We. Love. To. Laugh. Interesting fact: Sean was voted our senior year "Most Likely to Become a Professional Comedian." There you go.
Another interesting fact: Sean and I were also voted "Most Odd Couple" our senior year. Hmmm - do you know how many divorces we've either seen or heard about? Yet here we are - odd pairing that we are.
We rarely fight. And when we do - we have this amazing ability to stop, right in the middle, and one of us will say, "This is so stupid," and hug and move on. I can't tell you how many times that has happened. Fighting is such a time vampire - and is so eroding. Plus it's simply no fun.
We do not argue in front of our children, we do not yell at one another, we have NEVER called one another names - even in our most frustrating moments. Treating one another like that is not an option.
We are best friends. He would never complain that I'm not doing enough or doing something wrong. If the laundry is piled up, he begins doing it. If the house is a mess, he doesn't ever say anything about it (though I think that's more because he doesn't care). When I'm upset, he does what it takes to stop it. When I'm sick, he takes care of me. When I've accomplished something, he rejoices. He thanks me every day for how hard I work, he thanks me every night at dinner for making it - even if it's a frozen pizza. He tells me I'm beautiful when I could scare away crows from the backyard.
Simply - we just want to live. God has guided this marriage from the beginning, though we didn't realize it then.
There's so much more about what we believe, but those are the basics. We just want to live, raise our kids to the best of our ability, have fun and be happy.
There was a time when life and circumstances were getting the best of us and we would, out of sheer exhaustion and frustration, say to one another, "I just want to live." Then we just began doing just that - living through the hard stuff, living in spite of the frustration, just living and enjoying us.
We still act like teenagers. We giggle, we make out, we act silly, we have fun. Marriage is hard work - so make it FUN!