Well, you all know I'm obviously disappointed in the turn-out of the election.
I am, though, proud that we are now in a time when the majority of Americans will elect a president across racial lines. That says a lot about how far our nation has come in that respect. We have, indeed, headed in the right direction as far as that is concerned.
I am not proud of the fact that we are also in a time when the majority of Americans will elect a president with such apparently sketchy values with respect to many biblical issues. And I am not talking about any mistake the man may have made in his youth. I am referring to what he is promising to do while in office and the direction in which his "HOPE" wants to take us.
More jobs are going to be lost because businesses that can hardly pay their employees' salaries now will be forced to let them go when their taxes are increased.
More potential lives are going to be seen as being conceived at inconvenient times and snuffed out with no parental consent to do so if the girl is underage. This opens up a whole new way of thinking for people who would have otherwise thought twice before taking risks that they shouldn't in the first place.
And before you call me judgmental, let's remember that I was one of those people taking risks they shouldn't be not so many years ago and have an almost-18-year-old son to prove it. But he wasn't an inconvenience or a mistake or just "made at the wrong time," he was our son from the moment he was conceived. You'd better be ready to be a parent if you're going to have sex. That's how babies are made.
We won't even talk here about the facet of this that covers those who decide not to have their children because they aren't perfectly healthy. I'll bet my autistic son or my friends' son with Down Syndrome will have something to say about that someday. Right to choose life or death? No - that is God's job.
People who have worked hard to get where they are will be forced to foot the bill for those who have decided that jobs are for other people. Why work when the guy next door does and he'll be taxed to cover me, who chooses not to? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal!
And marriage? The definition of marriage is the union of a man and woman in holy matrimony. This is not an anti-gay statement. It is a fact. I have gay friends, and if they want to live in some type of union, go for it - it's not my life. But don't decide that the way something has been defined for centuries is suddenly not encompassing what you would like for it to, so you set out to change it. Make your own definition and fight for that.
I am reminded of Bill Clinton challenging what the definition of "is" is - remember that? How come a huge following of husbands committing adultery didn't jump on the bandwagon and try to change how we all view what the actual definition of "sexual relations" is and whether or not having oral sex with another woman does or does not mean you have, in fact, had sex? Why didn't anyone try to change divorce laws to fit this new definition?
And by the way - do you think it is any coincidence that the generation that has grown up in the wake of that incident sees oral sex as little more than kissing? Connect the dots people, and then try to imagine what picture you will see in 10 years with the agenda that will be on the table in the next oval office.
Biblical values do not change; people deciding whether or not to follow them do, which in turn changes the culture in which we live and raise our children . . . and they raise theirs.
This is a slippery slope that I wish we were not teetering on the edge of. But God is sovereign, and His will will be done - one way or another. I was just praying there would be more compliance on our end. I'm imagining He is up there thinking, "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way; but we're gonna do it." I believe we've just elected to do it the hard way.
You're darn right - there's gonna be change. This country is definitely about to see a lot of change.
And we asked for it.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Giddyup!
Our family uses humor to trudge through most things that are challenging us. We joke, therefore we are.
If you can't laugh through things, then you might as well just hang it all up.
We often chuckle through autism. Hey - this is the life God has handed us, and we handle it the best we can. Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying.
Yesterday morning was no exception. Seth (5) woke up completely off his rocker and stayed that way until he went to kindergarten after lunch. He was just mad at the world for some reason. He was angry at Joel (10) for being older than him. He was angry at Daddy because he had placed the Sorry game too high on a shelf at some point. He was mad at Alexx (17) for being gone when he woke up. None of these people were at home to shoulder the brunt of these accusations; I had the lovely pleasure of fielding all of these complaints by myself.
A couple of hours into this endless tirade of things gone horribly wrong in Seth's world, I called Sean at work to unload a little bit and told him that "Seth is unbelievably out of sorts this morning," to which Seth screamed, "QUIT NAME-CALLING ON ME!"
I told him I did not name-call, and he said, "YES YOU DID. You called me a HORSE!"
"NO - I said you were out of sorts."
BWUAAAAHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHA!
The fervor with which he said it made it all the more hilarious. I had to contain my laughter, though, because I believe that would have pushed him over the edge and made his head begin spinning around on his shoulders.
We can't have that.
If you can't laugh through things, then you might as well just hang it all up.
We often chuckle through autism. Hey - this is the life God has handed us, and we handle it the best we can. Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying.
Yesterday morning was no exception. Seth (5) woke up completely off his rocker and stayed that way until he went to kindergarten after lunch. He was just mad at the world for some reason. He was angry at Joel (10) for being older than him. He was angry at Daddy because he had placed the Sorry game too high on a shelf at some point. He was mad at Alexx (17) for being gone when he woke up. None of these people were at home to shoulder the brunt of these accusations; I had the lovely pleasure of fielding all of these complaints by myself.
A couple of hours into this endless tirade of things gone horribly wrong in Seth's world, I called Sean at work to unload a little bit and told him that "Seth is unbelievably out of sorts this morning," to which Seth screamed, "QUIT NAME-CALLING ON ME!"
I told him I did not name-call, and he said, "YES YOU DID. You called me a HORSE!"
"NO - I said you were out of sorts."
BWUAAAAHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHA!
The fervor with which he said it made it all the more hilarious. I had to contain my laughter, though, because I believe that would have pushed him over the edge and made his head begin spinning around on his shoulders.
We can't have that.
It's V Day.
Today is an important day for our country. I do not vote Democrat. I do not vote Republican. I do not vote Libertarian . . . or Green . . . or independent. I vote Christian. That is what my identity is based on, it is who I am and dictates how I see and do things even more than the fact that I am a woman, or a mother, or a special-needs mother, or a really stubborn, outspoken, feisty person who irritates people with my opinions.
I base my vote on, to the best of my knowledge, how much a person's beliefs align with my own - based on previous voting records, their history on the issues, their own experience in what they profess to speak intelligently on, who they will take money from to advance their campaigns, and the beliefs of who they themselves have aligned themselves with in the past as well as the present.
Simply put, I want someone in office who has demonstrated through previous actions and experiences that he or she will lead this country following (as closely as possible) the beliefs that I hold steadfastly true myself - regardless of race, political party, age, or coffee preference.
So don't forget to vote - and then go get your free coffee at Starbucks!
I base my vote on, to the best of my knowledge, how much a person's beliefs align with my own - based on previous voting records, their history on the issues, their own experience in what they profess to speak intelligently on, who they will take money from to advance their campaigns, and the beliefs of who they themselves have aligned themselves with in the past as well as the present.
Simply put, I want someone in office who has demonstrated through previous actions and experiences that he or she will lead this country following (as closely as possible) the beliefs that I hold steadfastly true myself - regardless of race, political party, age, or coffee preference.
So don't forget to vote - and then go get your free coffee at Starbucks!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Be Grateful? Seriously?
The following was sent to me by a good friend (Thanks, Jen!) and is said to be written by a well-known talk show host. I can't confirm that, but it really doesn't matter who penned it - it is one person's opinion and sums up well just how sick I am of hearing the whining in this country about how bad it is here. I actually blogged earlier about how I felt HERE.
No matter what your political convictions are this is an eye opener....
"As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?'
A. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
D. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
E. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state.
F. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
G. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
I. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.
K. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
L. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day?
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an 'other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations.
They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane!
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.
We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative."
Take this attitude and boil it down to the way one person views his or her life, and now you have the struggle I put myself through for about a year and half.
We had just moved back to where we grew up after living for years with wonderful friends, in a beautiful home, in a beautiful state where the cost of living was much lower. I was homesick for over a year and it dictated how I acted every day from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. I didn't appreciate the fact that I was back near family. I didn't appreciate the fact that I was in a newer, bigger house with new, awesome neighbors.
Then my youngest was diagnosed with autism and our lives went into a tailspin. We lost hope for his future, we lost a whole lot of income to all kinds of therapy and doctors, we lost friends who apparentely felt we were no longer paying enough attention to them, we lost any kind of peace in our home much of the time.
This is what I focused on - everything that I no longer had, or would never have - everything I thought my life was lacking and that I deserved. I was miserable, and so was everyone around me because that sort of attitude is viral.
Through, I believe, God's hand in my life, my attitude changed and so did my circumstances. People were placed in my life who have walked with me through the challenges we've been handed, and I now do my best to focus on all the blessings in my life. I don't always succeed, but I push my heart in that direction.
I am grateful for what I do have, and that alone completely changes my outlook and how I view my own life. Not only am I no longer miserable, I'm happppppyyyyy!
My circumstances have not changed much. In fact, a few things have gone a little further south. But here's what I know. No human out there is responsible for my lot in life; I am responsible for how I interpret my world; and I have a choice to be negative or positive. Negative turned out badly, so common sense dictated that I turn it around.
I highly recommend it.
No matter what your political convictions are this is an eye opener....
"As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?'
A. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
D. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
E. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state.
F. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
G. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
I. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.
K. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
L. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day?
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an 'other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations.
They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane!
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.
We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative."
Take this attitude and boil it down to the way one person views his or her life, and now you have the struggle I put myself through for about a year and half.
We had just moved back to where we grew up after living for years with wonderful friends, in a beautiful home, in a beautiful state where the cost of living was much lower. I was homesick for over a year and it dictated how I acted every day from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. I didn't appreciate the fact that I was back near family. I didn't appreciate the fact that I was in a newer, bigger house with new, awesome neighbors.
Then my youngest was diagnosed with autism and our lives went into a tailspin. We lost hope for his future, we lost a whole lot of income to all kinds of therapy and doctors, we lost friends who apparentely felt we were no longer paying enough attention to them, we lost any kind of peace in our home much of the time.
This is what I focused on - everything that I no longer had, or would never have - everything I thought my life was lacking and that I deserved. I was miserable, and so was everyone around me because that sort of attitude is viral.
Through, I believe, God's hand in my life, my attitude changed and so did my circumstances. People were placed in my life who have walked with me through the challenges we've been handed, and I now do my best to focus on all the blessings in my life. I don't always succeed, but I push my heart in that direction.
I am grateful for what I do have, and that alone completely changes my outlook and how I view my own life. Not only am I no longer miserable, I'm happppppyyyyy!
My circumstances have not changed much. In fact, a few things have gone a little further south. But here's what I know. No human out there is responsible for my lot in life; I am responsible for how I interpret my world; and I have a choice to be negative or positive. Negative turned out badly, so common sense dictated that I turn it around.
I highly recommend it.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
We All Need A Break Now And Then
Apparently I'm in trouble. I've been given the business by several people who wondered out loud if I'm ever going to blog again.
The honest truth is, for the first part of last week, I was super busy. And then my parents took the boys for fall break, Sean took some vacation time, and I went crazy having ME TIME!
I can't believe how people without kids . . . or jobs . . . really live! I felt like a kid let loose in a cotton candy factory. I had day after day of sleeping until my body just woke up, and then doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and for however long I wanted - and it was a total rush. If that feeling could be rolled up and smoked, I'd be in so much trouble.
The boys came home Friday afternoon and reality rushed back in with them. So I'm back to the eye rolls, the bickering, the autism, the messes . . . and the hugs, the kisses, the fun, the hilarity.
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for taking the dudes off our hands!
The honest truth is, for the first part of last week, I was super busy. And then my parents took the boys for fall break, Sean took some vacation time, and I went crazy having ME TIME!
I can't believe how people without kids . . . or jobs . . . really live! I felt like a kid let loose in a cotton candy factory. I had day after day of sleeping until my body just woke up, and then doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and for however long I wanted - and it was a total rush. If that feeling could be rolled up and smoked, I'd be in so much trouble.
The boys came home Friday afternoon and reality rushed back in with them. So I'm back to the eye rolls, the bickering, the autism, the messes . . . and the hugs, the kisses, the fun, the hilarity.
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for taking the dudes off our hands!
Friday, October 24, 2008
For the Love of Family
Stemming from a conversation I had in passing with my own pastor last evening, I began calculating the number of years that my brother, Doug, has been a pastor himself. I couldn't believe the number I came up with.
Dude's gettin' old! And I don't like it because he's just dragging me along with him.
In reality, he's only 46, but it seems a lifetime ago that he moved out of the house when I was just 10. We made the trek with our parents to move him in to Columbia Bible College (now Columbia International University) in Columbia, South Carolina, and I literally cried most of the way home. I was his pesky little sister, but he was my favorite person on the planet. If I remember correctly, I believe I actually made a scene right there on campus about not wanting to leave him there.
I'm not sure what I thought those crazy Christian conservatives were going to do to him!
As it turned out, he became an awesome pastor, made some lifelong friends, and brought home to us the most incredible sister and daughter-in-law in the world - which then extended our family by a few more wonderful people via her family. So in the end, it was all more than okay.
The most amazing part, however, is how my brother handled our relationship after he left. It would have been very easy to get on with his life and simply have a cursory relationship with me during holidays, etc. But he made a concerted effort to not only keep in touch with me over those 600 miles, but was interested in my life and counseled me on many occasions.
Consequently, we have a great relationship to this day - even with the little actual physical time we get to spend with one another.
So this actually gives me hope that my own two older boys, who spend most of their waking time together fighting, will someday have some type of amicable relationship.
Which brings me to my relationship with my sister, Aimee, who is five years older than me. Yes, I'm the baby. She and I fought like a couple of junk yard dogs growing up. We were very different, didn't see eye-to-eye on many things, and each resented the other's place in the sibling rankings. I hated getting all of her hand-me-downs, and she hated all the things I got to do that she didn't because I was the last one at home.
But then she left for college, and went and grew up . . . and made sure we remained close. We are now best friends and rarely go a day without conferring with one another about something in our crazy lives. She is my autistic son's biggest fan and cheerleader and sees absolutely each and every great trait that my older two, very challenging boys, have - and just loves them all to pieces.
Through all of the parenting I have done (I had the first grandchild) and the issues I've faced with my boys and the slew of mistakes I have made, never has either one criticized me once. Not once. Their words are always encouraging and full of praise for what I have managed to accomplish. I would not be the parent, or person, I am today without their presence in my life.
Siblings are awesome. If you don't have any, go grab someone and recruit them as your honorary sibling! They are who remain when everyone else is busy doing something else. They are who are by your side when no one else can stand you. They love you no matter what.
At least those are the type of siblings that my parents raised. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for setting the bar!
Dude's gettin' old! And I don't like it because he's just dragging me along with him.
In reality, he's only 46, but it seems a lifetime ago that he moved out of the house when I was just 10. We made the trek with our parents to move him in to Columbia Bible College (now Columbia International University) in Columbia, South Carolina, and I literally cried most of the way home. I was his pesky little sister, but he was my favorite person on the planet. If I remember correctly, I believe I actually made a scene right there on campus about not wanting to leave him there.
I'm not sure what I thought those crazy Christian conservatives were going to do to him!
As it turned out, he became an awesome pastor, made some lifelong friends, and brought home to us the most incredible sister and daughter-in-law in the world - which then extended our family by a few more wonderful people via her family. So in the end, it was all more than okay.
The most amazing part, however, is how my brother handled our relationship after he left. It would have been very easy to get on with his life and simply have a cursory relationship with me during holidays, etc. But he made a concerted effort to not only keep in touch with me over those 600 miles, but was interested in my life and counseled me on many occasions.
Consequently, we have a great relationship to this day - even with the little actual physical time we get to spend with one another.
So this actually gives me hope that my own two older boys, who spend most of their waking time together fighting, will someday have some type of amicable relationship.
Which brings me to my relationship with my sister, Aimee, who is five years older than me. Yes, I'm the baby. She and I fought like a couple of junk yard dogs growing up. We were very different, didn't see eye-to-eye on many things, and each resented the other's place in the sibling rankings. I hated getting all of her hand-me-downs, and she hated all the things I got to do that she didn't because I was the last one at home.
But then she left for college, and went and grew up . . . and made sure we remained close. We are now best friends and rarely go a day without conferring with one another about something in our crazy lives. She is my autistic son's biggest fan and cheerleader and sees absolutely each and every great trait that my older two, very challenging boys, have - and just loves them all to pieces.
Through all of the parenting I have done (I had the first grandchild) and the issues I've faced with my boys and the slew of mistakes I have made, never has either one criticized me once. Not once. Their words are always encouraging and full of praise for what I have managed to accomplish. I would not be the parent, or person, I am today without their presence in my life.
Siblings are awesome. If you don't have any, go grab someone and recruit them as your honorary sibling! They are who remain when everyone else is busy doing something else. They are who are by your side when no one else can stand you. They love you no matter what.
At least those are the type of siblings that my parents raised. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for setting the bar!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
She's Come Undone.
A big dose of reality hit me yesterday in the afternoon and again in the evening at my Bible study while telling my friends about it. But I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion when I was finally able to spend time alone with Sean and tell him about my experience.
I won't go into detail here because, quite frankly, I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about my special needs boys and their issues. I don't have any reservations about going into it, but honestly - do you really want to know? That's what I thought.
Let's just say this. I'm not new to this arena, but doggone it, if it doesn't blindside me every so often.
When you have any type of special needs child, you go through a range of emotions that never ends. In my life, I have dubbed it "cycling." For example, with me it is fear, panic, denial, anger, realization, resignation, and finally - absolute resolve. And then it starts over again, perhaps triggered by some event, or simply the daily grind of dealing with it wearing me down.
This cycling can be months long or just weeks for me, depending on many factors. But I am usually aware of it and deal with the emotions accordingly in various ways. I've been doing this as the mother of an autistic child for three years now.
However, Joel's issues and diagnoses are fairly recent and, in fact, still being worked out. I have been cycling through this with him now for a short time, but amazingly, didn't realize it. Yesterday a situation made me feel crazy and stupid and blind and completely like I'd never been through any of this before. Like I said, it blindsided me and made me realize that I'm in the middle of a whole different cycle of emotions with Joel's issues. I'm in the beginning.
I foolishly thought that going through these things with a second child would be "old hat," and that I'd handle it all very differently and fine. How very naive of me. I've been somewhere in the denial area and just fell backwards, down a hill, and into the hole of anger and realization yesterday and last night. Now it's time to start digging my way out.
Common sense would dictate that it should be easier this time around, or somehow less upsetting. But much of the time when dealing with the autism spectrum or emotional problems, things make little to no sense at all, much less any of it being "common."
Do you know what it's like to feel crazy? I mean - the actual definition of crazy: foolish, idiotic, ridiculous, unwise. That's how I feel.
Like I said - time to dig out.
I won't go into detail here because, quite frankly, I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about my special needs boys and their issues. I don't have any reservations about going into it, but honestly - do you really want to know? That's what I thought.
Let's just say this. I'm not new to this arena, but doggone it, if it doesn't blindside me every so often.
When you have any type of special needs child, you go through a range of emotions that never ends. In my life, I have dubbed it "cycling." For example, with me it is fear, panic, denial, anger, realization, resignation, and finally - absolute resolve. And then it starts over again, perhaps triggered by some event, or simply the daily grind of dealing with it wearing me down.
This cycling can be months long or just weeks for me, depending on many factors. But I am usually aware of it and deal with the emotions accordingly in various ways. I've been doing this as the mother of an autistic child for three years now.
However, Joel's issues and diagnoses are fairly recent and, in fact, still being worked out. I have been cycling through this with him now for a short time, but amazingly, didn't realize it. Yesterday a situation made me feel crazy and stupid and blind and completely like I'd never been through any of this before. Like I said, it blindsided me and made me realize that I'm in the middle of a whole different cycle of emotions with Joel's issues. I'm in the beginning.
I foolishly thought that going through these things with a second child would be "old hat," and that I'd handle it all very differently and fine. How very naive of me. I've been somewhere in the denial area and just fell backwards, down a hill, and into the hole of anger and realization yesterday and last night. Now it's time to start digging my way out.
Common sense would dictate that it should be easier this time around, or somehow less upsetting. But much of the time when dealing with the autism spectrum or emotional problems, things make little to no sense at all, much less any of it being "common."
Do you know what it's like to feel crazy? I mean - the actual definition of crazy: foolish, idiotic, ridiculous, unwise. That's how I feel.
Like I said - time to dig out.
Monday, October 20, 2008
And Just What Qualifies You For This Position?
A friend just sent me something via e-mail (Thanks, Jodona!) and one line stuck out to me: God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. Wow.
That is something that I need to hear daily. So many of my friends have heard me complain, "I have no idea why God thought I could handle these boys with the issues - the autism and the mood disorder ..."
This was quite timely, as I just returned to my bedroom to escape the wrath of autism for a few minutes. Seth's routine was wildly upset this morning. We accidentally overslept, and I had to wake Seth up quickly and get him dressed to take Joel to school. It's not been pretty since.
When he gets upset about anything at all, he will get stuck on something that makes no sense and not let it go. On the way home from dropping Joel off, he began doing this. As we drove home among all of the corn fields, he became upset with me because, "We have no city." No amount of explaining something to him matters during these times, and I know that. Yet, sometimes, my mouth just goes ahead of me. I tried explaining that we live just outside of a city, but that just upset him more.
By the time we arrived back home, he was also mad because Alexx had already left for school, so he is a "big fat meanie" for doing that.
Time to separate myself for awhile. And here I am.
Thank you, Jodona (or God for speaking through Jodona), and reminding me that He will equip me as I need it to deal with this life I've been handed.
Time to go do that!
That is something that I need to hear daily. So many of my friends have heard me complain, "I have no idea why God thought I could handle these boys with the issues - the autism and the mood disorder ..."
This was quite timely, as I just returned to my bedroom to escape the wrath of autism for a few minutes. Seth's routine was wildly upset this morning. We accidentally overslept, and I had to wake Seth up quickly and get him dressed to take Joel to school. It's not been pretty since.
When he gets upset about anything at all, he will get stuck on something that makes no sense and not let it go. On the way home from dropping Joel off, he began doing this. As we drove home among all of the corn fields, he became upset with me because, "We have no city." No amount of explaining something to him matters during these times, and I know that. Yet, sometimes, my mouth just goes ahead of me. I tried explaining that we live just outside of a city, but that just upset him more.
By the time we arrived back home, he was also mad because Alexx had already left for school, so he is a "big fat meanie" for doing that.
Time to separate myself for awhile. And here I am.
Thank you, Jodona (or God for speaking through Jodona), and reminding me that He will equip me as I need it to deal with this life I've been handed.
Time to go do that!
Friday, October 17, 2008
The Hockey Mom In Person
Guess where I went today?
The Zipps and I (and Reagan) attended; and we even made t-shirts for the event:
.
With Brian in a wheelchair, healing from having his Achilles tendon operated on, I got to push him around - through grass, up hills, down hills, through gravel - I got a superb workout. Thanks, Brian! That'll really help with my weight-loss challenge!
There was a bit of a security scuffle beside us - we were hoping to see some action!
Governor Palin gave a rousing speech in her usual, down-to-earth style.
The Zipps and I (and Reagan) attended; and we even made t-shirts for the event:
.With Brian in a wheelchair, healing from having his Achilles tendon operated on, I got to push him around - through grass, up hills, down hills, through gravel - I got a superb workout. Thanks, Brian! That'll really help with my weight-loss challenge!
There was a bit of a security scuffle beside us - we were hoping to see some action!
Governor Palin gave a rousing speech in her usual, down-to-earth style.
Reagan attended his first political rally!
In a funny twist - Palin was in West Chester, OH, this morning - in the suburb of Cincinnati that my sister lives in. She was all excited that Palin was going to be a few minutes from her house. But that excitement was nothing compared to what she felt when she was offered the job of driving one of the seven vans transporting Palin and her team to and from the event!
She had a fabulous time seeing how these things work from behind the scenes, as well as getting to meet many in Palin's team along with the super chick herself!
Click HERE to read my sister's blog. Hopefully she'll be uploading photos and telling us all about it soon!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Life In These Here United States
Therapy with child psychologist: $115 an hour
Each session of occupational therapy: $160
Admission to charter school: $138
One month's worth of ADHD med: $118
Amount of gas money it takes to drive to our church and back: $1.50
Living in a country where I am able to get my children the help they need - where we have always had the rights of free speech, a democratic government, and freedom of religion without fear of persecution: PRICELESS.
No, it's not perfect in this country and a lot needs to be changed, but we could be somewhere else. Let's take a step back and get some perspective, shall we?
Each session of occupational therapy: $160
Admission to charter school: $138
One month's worth of ADHD med: $118
Amount of gas money it takes to drive to our church and back: $1.50
Living in a country where I am able to get my children the help they need - where we have always had the rights of free speech, a democratic government, and freedom of religion without fear of persecution: PRICELESS.
No, it's not perfect in this country and a lot needs to be changed, but we could be somewhere else. Let's take a step back and get some perspective, shall we?
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